Bomb Squad

I’ve come to the conclusion parents of toddlers could all be viable candidates for the bomb squad. Parents of any age kid actually. All phases bring new tactics.

If you know, you know.

If not, let me explain my thoughts.

These tiny humans are elite explosive devices. They can be triggered at any second. At times they appear to be no harm and an innocent matter. But always destructive when they implode.

From the moment they’re born we treat them as a very delicate bundle so we do not break them. That is absolutely expected and rightfully should be how every parent is with the tiny babes.

We have found every creek and crack in our wood floors in our home since he has been born. Truly, since our son was tiny he was a great sleeper. The sleep regressions have all come and gone in their due time. They are pretty spot on with the timing!

This recent one is a doozy.

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I have had a lot of time sitting on his bedroom floor to think while he falls asleep. That is when I determined a parent could be a bomb squad member.

The patience we have waiting for them to calm and fall asleep is amazing, most nights. Sitting so still and speaking so softly to them.

When holding their hand, you have to move so incredibly slow to not wake them from the feeling of your hand leaving theirs. That is tactical. I have had some nights I literally lift one single finger at a time ensuring he won’t wake at each movement.

Exiting their room in a stealth like fashion so you do not step on a creeky piece of floor to wake them. We have to move slow and steady as if we are tip toeing around landmines because that’s what they are.

Parenting takes skill and tactical moves. Like when I crawled out on all fours the other night and my husband was laughing so hard once he caught me. No video evidence because I silently threatened him as he laughed.

In reality, our real bomb squad members are amazing at what they do and for good reason. I’m not knocking anyone’s job.

As a mom who overthinks while awake during the trying times, I think of ways to lighten the stress of the situation.

Nights are tough right now for us. It is a phase, I hope, like the others we will soon have behind us. Until that time comes, we will see what other fun thoughts I can come up with!

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Great Day Ends in Surfboard Carry

We recently went on vacation to Myrtle Beach, SC and had a great time! I have a few blogs to share with you that came to mind while there.

One specific day was awesome day with our son. Most were, but this story is about one day in particular.

I mean it. It was a storybook kind of day on our vacation at the beach.

We went to the beach in the morning. He ran, destroyed sand castles, jumped waves and got buried in the sand. He was a happy little man and had us all enjoying our time.

We all walked to lunch a few blocks away so we could eat beachside and have a fun drink. We pushed him on his tricycle the whole way there too. He even got a virgin strawberry daiquiri and felt so cool.

When we got back he took a long nap. My husband and I snuck away for some beach time until grandma and pap met us at the pool with him.

We swam together, dunked, splashed. You name it, we did it.

We convinced him to head upstairs for dinner and we all got ready then headed to a nice delicious dinner out. He even danced to a live band near the restaurant afterwards. He was making people laugh that were around us and making us chuckle at his little dance moves.

Then we take a turn and all shit breaks lose.

We went to the park for a few rides on the big kids slide because he wants to be a big kid so bad. We followed him around a bit and then suggested ice cream. Afterall, it is vacation.

He picked his flavor of cake batter, said “thank you,” waved bye to the gentleman who scooped it for him… and then saw the merry-go-round.

Grandma lit up and offered to take him so my husband found where to buy tickets for it. In that moment my son geeked out and decided he wanted the choo choo train ride instead.

There was no convincing him otherwise. 

We had to go buy additional tickets and then the train came in and he ran right to the engine, where he cannot ride, and when told no he flipped his lid. The guy running this stood still while my husband tried to wrangle him into the one to ride and my mom attempted to convince him to go in.

It was a total disaster.

My husband became irritated, my mom wasn’t sure what to do to help, my dad stepped back and I came to grab my son saying enough was enough because he didn’t need to ride it. The other kids had loaded and were ready to go.

We were those people with the tantrum driven toddler making a scene. Initiate instant sweat and the “WTF” mode. When I say “those people,” I’m referring to the ones you judged before you had kids and wondered why they would LET their kid act that way or be so ridiculous.

Let me be clear. My husband and I do not tolerate his crap, but realistically, he is two years old and emotions are hard as well as trying to get him to understand why he can or cannot do things. Another blog to come regarding this topic. 😊

My dad handed our tickets to another kid to ride something while we wrangled in the heathen, my sweet son everyone sees him as.

He was hitting my husband out of anger because again, emotions are hard for a 2 year old, while crying so I took him from my husband thinking I could calm him down, as we began the longest journey back to our car. A 5 minute walk… which I could not change his upset mind to calm down and I became the target of hitting and screaming.

I had to grab those tiny hands of his numerous times to stop him from hitting me while explaining since he didn’t listen it was time to go home.

Any parent knows where this lead to.

The surf board carry.

Absolutely embarrassed, we stuck to staying as calm as we could walking past so many people. You can feel either judgement or acceptance from the parents that get it from having to do the same walk before. I did see a few moms look at me with a smile of understanding seeing us go by. It gave me a very teeny tiny sense of relief knowing they were not going to call the cops thinking we were kidnapping him.

I eventually had to tag my husband in again to take him from me. But we made it to the car. Sweaty pits and all… on me, that is.

I was so pissed off at my son I had to ignore him for a moment to calm myself down so I didn’t snap because he doesn’t understand if I would. (I have in the past.) And both my parents are in the car with us reassuring my husband and I how he did so good all day up until that point and basically saying they get it and not to be embarassed.

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When we got back to our hotel it was immediately bed time. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

Thing was, he knew he messed up at this point because mama meant business and wasn’t giving in like usual.

He begged me to put him to bed.

I had to.

I needed to tell him why I was mad and why he cannot hit me or anyone. But more importantly I had to let him know I still love him even when he is angry.

We laid together for 20 minutes while he wound down. I got my good night kiss and squeezed him tight. He went to bed happy and the tears stopped. My heart hurt though because of the situation we had.

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The real point is that two year olds are perfectly tough. We had the very best day with him. Then we didn’t.

I couldn’t finish the day allowing him or myself to be unhappy with one another. Sure, I am still upset it ended the way it did and even apologized to my parents for his behavior and having to leave but they get it.

Kids are learning life and we have to help the best we can, even if it is by doing the surf board carry past tons of people either judging us or accepting us knowing they did it before too.

I struggled, he struggled, but man, I love him and still know we had the best day.

If your kids have a major meltdown and you do the surfboard carry, welcome to parenting. You’re doing alright, I promise!

Reading Together Every Night

Our son has recently started to want to read a few books with us every night before bed as part of his bedtime routine. This is new to us because he never really enjoyed it much before now.

Of course, you’re told to read to your children from day one, so they are introduced to many new words and many other reasons that will help with future learning. We would try here and there but it wasn’t in the plans for him at first. He is a man with a plan and on his own schedule. Things have since changed!

Each night in the past few weeks when we go to bed, he walks to his room saying, “mama, book!” and I pick him up to choose a few books from his giant selection we have. It makes my mama heart happy knowing he developed this love for books.

I really love how many books we have to pick from and the variations of the books that we have! This was a wonderful idea we used for his baby shower. We had everyone bring a book instead of a card. It’s money well spent in the long run, rather than wasting it on a card that most people do not save!

In case you haven’t seen that before, books instead of cards, it’s a great tip to pass along to anyone you may know who is having a baby shower coming up! There are all kinds of cute templates to include with a poem in the invitation. 😊 It’s so sweet to see who got him each one too when we read them as a little reminder of how much he is loved.

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Now these nights give us an extra snuggle with our sweet two-year-old while he sits on our lap to read and browse through his books. He likes the task of being our page turner for me while we read each book. Sometimes he wants to go a little faster than my mouth can read those words!

I see him becoming more interested each evening in the types of books he picks. They have to be his choice though, not ours. Typical toddler.

I really enjoy when he interacts with some of them as they may ask where something is and he points to it, or if a flap is involved in some of them to find something or touch & feel/tracing books. They have him interact and learning as I get to see that little brain work and learn.

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Another fun tip to add more books to your child’s collection that I wanted to share is Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. We signed up when he was born and it is for all children from birth to the age of 5 years old no matter the family’s income. We have received and enjoyed a book with him each month since signing up!

All it takes is a quick search on the site to see who is participating in your area to send out the books. They send you age-appropriate books to your home for your child each month. We enjoy each one we have been gifted and learn together. Some you will have heard of and others are new to us. Each one is special and something we all look forward to receiving!

Take a moment to see if there is availability in your area for your children or children you know! Click here to go to the site.

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For someone who isn’t much of a reader herself, I am really enjoying this new routine with my son every evening. I hope it continues as he grows, reading together every night. We both interact with the books whether it’s different voices I make with the characters or him making animal noises and honking his horn while we read any of the “Little Blue Truck” series, it is so much fun each evening.

It opens both of our minds to our imaginations and more importantly gives us time together after our crazy days.

That is what I find to be the best part of it all, time together.
I encourage you as a parent, grandparent, friend, aunt, uncle, or anyone who loves a little one to spend your time with them reading together every night.

We Ask A Lot

Do you realize as parents that we ask a lot of our little ones?

Specifically, when we go places such as social events. We expect them to be on their best behavior, say “HI” to everyone or “Bye,” and then give either hugs or kisses to them. Don’t react or show feelings because if you do, you’re being bad.

We are asking tiny humans who haven’t experienced this scary world the way we all have for years, to jump into big situations with lots of people around them and to be “normal.” Whatever that actually means.

We expect them to be okay with the overwhelming feeling of everyone looking at them when we can’t handle that ourselves.

My husband and I typically will grab a beer or beverage of sorts to ease our own nerves of a situation we’re uncomfortable in. No, that’s not always the best example to give but it’s what we do. Why are we asking our son to be okay with it if we aren’t? Sure, we’re outgoing when we’re comfortable, but at first, we are the quiet ones too. Children should be given the same expectation we give ourselves in social settings.

I must remind myself this, as well as my husband, when our son seems cranky or acts out it is because he is uncomfortable. It is not because he is tired, hungry, or simply bad. Those are big emotions that he doesn’t know how to handle as much as we don’t either in settings, we aren’t familiar with.

Social events with people he has never met are extremely overwhelming for all of us as a family. Everyone wants to see him and how much he has grown or how much he looks like his dad. *Cue the eye roll from mom*

Think about that from his two-year-old perspective. It sucks.

Strangers, to him, walking up and getting into his face. Other family members reaching out for him to come to them immediately when we get somewhere. Everyone waving to him with giant smiles. I too would be scared and upset if I were him. My own mother will tell you what I say often, “I hate people.”

It’s a strong statement, I know. People are overwhelming and A LOT to handle at times.

My son always warms up, just as we do, once we’re at an event for a bit and he gets a bearing on his surroundings. However, I need to be his voice and sounding board.

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If someone begins reaching for him, first of all, he’s two and he doesn’t necessarily want to be held any longer. I’m not certain why that’s hard for some to realize but it is. I speak up as he puts his head into my shoulder and say, “please give him a moment. We just got here, and he needs time.”

Other times, someone asks him to “come here and see me!” or “go play with the kids!” I watch for his reaction to them and see how he assesses the situation with his mannerisms. I, as his mom, know him as any parent knows their child’s reactions to things and how they’re feeling better than anyone else. Then I’ll reassure him if he either wants to do the task or not do it and back him up on it by telling him so. “It’s alright, you can sit here with me until you’re comfortable.”

We need to stop forcing our kids into things. I’m voicing this because I’m guilty of it, as well as my husband.

We ask him to dive into situations and be great and be the good kid. Well, guess what, we need to stop it. If we don’t want to do something, we don’t do it. So why should he? (This is specifically to social events, not in every aspect of parenting)

When we’re leaving and he doesn’t want to give hugs or blow kisses, that’s OKAY! We can say bye for him and see them next time. I don’t even like to give hugs to everyone when I leave somewhere.

Some people understand this and do not mind. Others expect the kids to always love on them because they exist. That’s not happening for my son any longer. They can get over it and I’ll stand up for my child to know when he’s had enough.

He is a small child who is learning this world with mine and my husband’s help. We will protect him and stop asking so much of him in social gatherings. He is perfect the way he is and if you don’t like it, tough shit. 😊

It’s a matter of stating what I know we all feel but most won’t say. I won’t ever apologize for putting my son and family first in all aspects of life. I’m not perfect and I’m learning as I go.

@momma_in_real_life

Raise A Good Person by Being A Good Person

Do you ever hear the bad news in the world or one story hits you harder than another and you just wonder, “why? Why does so much bad exists? Why are there bad people? Why?”

I believe I question this more now as a mother than I did before he was here.

How are we supposed to shield our children from the world that surrounds us? I mean what we see on the news, the local events around us, and even those close to us we would like to protect them from.

No, I’m not perfect. I’ve grown a lot from who I was years ago and what I was when I was younger. I imagine most people have or at least I hope they have.

All I want in life now is to raise a good human. I want my son to be a good person. To be nice to everyone. To smile at someone who is having a bad day. To sit with the kid who sits alone at lunch. To help someone who needs a hand, like his dad always does.

I pray for him to be a good person. That’s it. Please be a good person. I don’t need him to be anything more than who he is and a GOOD PERSON.

I fondly and vividly remember my grandfather always telling me when I left his house as I said goodbye, “be good, and you know what I mean!”

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There is so much people worry about with their kids being this or that. Worrying about the small stuff that in the larger picture, won’t matter. I hear people worrying about if they’re the popular kids, if they are advanced, if they’re the star, if they’re making straight A’s, or if they wear the best clothes.

Of course, I want him to be everything he can be and succeed in life. Being any of those things I listed above are not the things someone will remember him by as he grows.

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I am guilty of judging people, I’m human. I try my best to not do that as I continue to grow.

We all think we could do better than another parent we see, especially before we were parents.

Truly, I hope every parent wants the same end result of raising their babies. For them to be good humans. Some parents won’t and that’s a damn shame for them, the parents that is. Simply because every child has the possibility to be and put so much good into our crazy world.

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So much is out of our control. I think that’s what scares me most. I can only try my best to teach and instill being a good human into him. The rest is up to him.

Please do the same and do your best to be a good human and raise good humans.

We all know this world needs it.